Love Yourself!

Many people, in seeking out love, tend to look outward rather than inward. Yet falling in love with yourself can be just as wonderful an experience as falling in love with someone else. While the idea of falling in love with ourselves may be perceived as conceited or selfish, choosing to fall in love with who you are is a powerful act of self-love.

When you fall in love with yourself, you can’t help but experience a wonderful sense of discovery. You begin to look at yourself again through fresh eyes, becoming more attentive to the little details that make you so unique. Once you discover how much there is about you to fall in love with, you can’t help but want to treat yourself as lovingly and respectfully as you would treat anyone who is special to you. You start to give to yourself more because you become more attentive to your own needs and desires.

Choosing to fall in love with yourself is a very personal process that takes time. There is no magic wand you can wave to make this just happen. But there is the magic of your intention and the power of your actions, whether you are taking the time to do the activities you like, speaking to and treating yourself with respect, taking inventory of all your wonderful qualities and accomplishments, or nurturing yourself with plenty of rest and self-care. When you fall in love with yourself, you begin to see yourself more positively, appreciate your unique outlook on life, and treat yourself in a more nurturing way. In loving yourself, you are acknowledging that you are special and deserving of love. Best of all, you are giving yourself one of the greatest gifts you have to give another. You are giving yourself the gift of your love.

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37 Ways to Make a Difference to Yourself and Others - By Anolia Orfrecio Facun

37 Ways to Make a Difference to Yourself and Others


- By Anolia Orfrecio Facun



"Making a difference"is not just a scheduled event or activity, but a moment any time when a person finds it in his/her heart to do something good, to care or to share, or to make a voluntary contribution to another individual, a community, or our society.



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When we consciously give or do whatever we can to help maintain the wellness of individuals and families in our communities, these acts also contribute to the best quality of life of everyone in our society.



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For YOURSELF:

1. Smile more often! Be amazed of how many will be happy to smile back at you. Besides, this is the best facial exercise you can make to delay aging signs -- so smile!

2. Eat right! Boost your immune system by eating more natural food, like fresh fruits and vegetables. This alone can significantly reduce your weight and health concerns.

3. Exercise regularly. The reason is not just to lose weight, but it's a great habit to maintain good health by improved circulation, elimination of body toxins, etc.

4. Drink water more than 'colored drinks' for your health. Water has no sugar or additives.

5. Read and learn more. Devote time and money for self-improvement, the best investment you can make that truly pays off.

6. Love, care, give, and share more. This practice is the very purpose of your life.

7. Keep believing. Pray. Nurture your spirit. This won't cost you any, but help or answer to your needs can be just a prayer away.



For those YOU CARE ABOUT:

8. If you love them, then say it and show it! Do not take them for granted. They need both to hear and see you care.

9. Spend more quality time with them. It is what they'll remember most.

10. Visit, write, call those you haven't for a while.



For our SENIORS:

11. Give a helping hand and cheers -- cooking, cleaning, or whatever they are limited to.

12. Give a ride or offer to carpool with them whenever there's a need.

13. Involve them on activities that will continue to stimulate their senses, or they can contribute their gathered wisdom.



For our CHILDREN or YOUTH:

14. Walk or create programs for youth to benefit them and rally for their good future.

15. Give them more opportunities to explore and develop their natural gifts and talents, express their dreams and goals.

16. Encourage our children more by your words and example. Stay positive! .



For our VETERANS:(For the freedom we now enjoy is due to their sacrifices.)

17. Send cards or anything to show you remember and appreciate them.

18. Recognize them and give a smile, a salute, or high-five when you see them around.

19. Support their events and fundraising efforts to help them.



For our HOMELESS Citizens:(Just like you and me, they need care and understanding. )

20. Encourage them by taking time to help them get the help they need/resources to get back on track.

21. Volunteer in your local shelters. There are many ways you can help or contribute.

22. Help create more programs to help them get out of their situation.



For our VOLUNTEERS:(For helping us make things happen.)

23. Big "thank you!" note or anything to show your appreciation of them.

24. Join them and be prepared to do a random act of kindness anytime.

25. How about "volunteers appreciation day" to celebrate them and have a good break?



For our ENVIRONMENT:(We only have one planet, so we must take care of it.)

26. Clean and plant trees with your workmates, neighbors, etc. Anywhere permissible.

27. Recycle consciously, not just plastics and papers, but clothes and others you can share. Clean up your closet, garage, or storage for everything that you don't need. Do a yard sale or simply drive to or call local charities for pickup. This is one recycling to meet needs of others.

28. Learn more of what's causing the global warming and contribute to preventions/ solutions.



For ALL of US:

29. Sing, dance, be happy no matter what. Brighter days are yet to come!

30. Speak the truth. Seeking the truth can set someone free.

31. Notice and say something good or positive to someone, and mean it.

32. Learn survival techniques. Always be prepared for any emergency.

33. Accept yourself. You are gifted and blessed more than you know.

34. Be forgiving and understanding as you seek forgiveness and understanding.

35. Learn how to budget or how to manage your money. Spend only on needs and the money that you actually have.

36. Be involved in your community in making good things happen!

37. Will you support me on my personal goal to make a difference (i.e., to reach at least three million people everywhere to bring HOPE and more OPPORTUNITIES for people to live better lives)?

Forgiveness

Why is it hard to forgive others? Usually because we believe that they are 90% to blame for the problem, that I am not as bad as they are. So I start to carry the load of other people's actions. If my ego is too hurt, I will have the sense of correction, of justice: 'I know I am right', 'That is not fair'. But if I start to forgive from the heart, sincerely, then this kind of feeling and attitude begins to dissolve. I remain humble and this forgiveness will bring me closer to others. Then I do not carry regrets or anger, I just let go and remain light.



When the mind is tired, every single action requires great effort 

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Charlie Chaplin

हीरों का हार:

एक रानी अपने गले का हीरों का हार निकाल कर खूंटी पर टांगने वाली ही थी कि एक बाज आया और झपटा मारकर हार ले उड़ा..चमकते हीरे देखकर बाज ने सोचा कि खाने की कोई चीज हो. वह एक पेड़ पर जा बैठा और खाने की कोशिश करने लगा..हीरे तो कठोर होते हैं. उसने चोंच मारा तो दर्द से कराह उठा. उसे समझ में आ गया कि यह उसके काम की चीज नहीं. वह हार को उसी पेड़ पर लटकता छोड़ उड़ गया..
रानी को वह हार प्राणों सा प्यारा था. उसने राजा से कह दिया कि हार का तुरंत पता लगवाइए वरना वह खाना-पीना छोड़ देगी. राजा ने कहा कि दूसरा हार बनवा देगा लेकिन उसने जिद पकड़ ली कि उसे वही हार चाहिए..सब ढूंढने लगे पर किसी को हार मिला ही नहीं. रानी तो कोप भवन में चली गई थी. हारकर राजा ने यहां तक कह दिया कि जो भी वह हार खोज निकालेगा उसे वह आधे राज्य का अधिकारी बना देगा..अब तो होड़ लग गई.
राजा के अधिकारी और प्रजा सब आधे राज्य के लालच में हार ढूंढने लगे..अचानक वह हार किसी को एक गंदे नाले में दिखा. हार दिखाई दे रहा था, पर उसमें से बदबू आ रही थी लेकिन राज्य के लोभ में एकसिपाही कूद गया..बहुत हाथ-पांव मारा, पर हार नहीं मिला. फिर सेनापति ने देखा और वह भी कूद गया. दोनों को देख कुछ उत्साही प्रजा जन भी कूदगए. फिर मंत्री कूदा..इस तरह जितने नाले से बाहर थे उससे ज्यादा नाले के भीतर खड़े उसका मंथन कर रहे थे. लोग आते रहे और कूदते रहे लेकिन हार
मिला किसी को नहीं..जैसे ही कोई नाले में कूदता वह हार दिखना बंद हो जाता. थककर वह बाहर आकर दूसरी तरफ खड़ा हो जाता..आधे राज्य का लालच ऐसा कि बड़े-बड़े ज्ञानी, राजा के प्रधानमंत्री सब कूदने को तैयार बैठे थे.
सब लड़ रहे थे कि पहले मैंनाले में कूदूंगा तो पहले मैं. अजीब सी होड़ थी..इतने में राजा को खबर लगी. राजा को भय हुआ कि आधा राज्य हाथ से निकल जाए, क्यों न मैं ही कूद जाऊं उसमें ? राजा भी कूद गया..एक संत गुजरे उधर से. उन्होंने राजा, प्रजा, मंत्री, सिपाही सबको कीचड़ में सना देखा तो चकित हुए..वह पूछ बैठे- क्या इस राज्य में नाले में कूदने की कोई परंपरा है ?
लोगों ने सारी बात कह सुनाई..संत हंसने लगे, भाई ! किसी ने ऊपर भी देखा ? ऊपर देखो, वह टहनी पर लटका हुआ है. नीचे जो तुम देख रहे हो, वह तो उसकी परछाई है. राजा बड़ा शर्मिंदा हुआ.
हम सब भी उस राज्य के लोगों की तरह बर्ताव कर रहे हैं. हम जिस सांसारिक चीज में सुख-शांति और आनंद देखते हैं दरअसल वह उसी हार की तरह है जो क्षणिक सुखों के रूप में परछाई की तरह दिखाई देता है..हम भ्रम में रहते हैं कि यदि अमुक चीज मिल जाए तो जीवन बदल जाए, सब अच्छा हो जाएगा. लेकिन यह सिलसिला तो अंतहीन है..सांसारिक चीजें संपूर्ण सुख दे ही नहीं सकतीं. सुख शांति हीरों का हार तो है लेकिन वह परमात्मा में लीन होने से मिलेगा. बाकी तो सब उसकी परछाई है….

Performance Appraisal

The employee performance appraisal system is an important tool of any organization by which employer can develop the career of their employees. Performance appraisal has a very strong impact on employee’s growth. Performance appraisal is the best way to demonstrate the appreciation for an employee’s effort.
Employees wait to have performance appraisal evaluation so that they can be rated & rewarded according to their performance & so-on can also be given hike in salary or promotion.
But what if performance appraisals are delayed too much or just postponed to the longer time.
The failure to conduct a performance appraisal can increase organization’s exposure in following ways.
Compensation: – Increment in salary is often based on performance appraisal result. Most of the employees keep their financial goals in mind & that’s why they mark their calendars for annual increases and potential bonuses but if this gets delay it create frustration among employees & they begin to wonder why they haven’t received an appraisal.
Improvement:- As per the bell curve theory most of the employees in any organization are average performer it means they all are marginal level workforce thus they are much needed to be push for performance improvement. So if we delay performance appraisals further we actually delay in performance improvement.
Satisfaction Employees start looking for the opportunities elsewhere whenever they feel ungrateful or when they feel that their employer doesn’t think really thankful of the work they perform. Human capital is the largest investment of any organization and an on-time performance appraisal is the best way to demonstrate your appreciation for an employee’s effort but if this is delayed employees can loose their interest to be in the organization.
Productivity:- Delay in appraisal seriously impacts the organization’s productivity. Employees who exhibit signs of low job satisfaction and low employee morale are less productive as soon as they start feeling thankless their interest towards work decrease & so on this badly impact to the productivity.

Motivation:- An employee performance appraisal play a very important role to motivate an employee to improve his skills & deliver the best out of the sources available but when an employee sees delay in much awaited appraisal his motivation level go on toss and thus he is not motivated anymore to perform his daily job which ultimately impact the business or company.
Let me know if you have any other thoughts to share.

Mistakes to avoid in Appraisal Meeting:

A. Not doing Groundwork



Always keep a mental note of the important things you have done over the years in your profile and carefully lay out the groundwork that you have in mind going forward. All managers like that.



B. Not listing your Accomplishments



It's wiser to present your accomplishments in the order of importance. Start with the one you think is most important and then list the other ones. This will show how you exceeded your KRA.



C. Not Seeking Feedback



While you are laying out your work and your plans, be ready to take feedback. In fact, ask for it. Also see if you need any training and if the office can help you in that.



D. Not Being Honest about Shortcomings



We all have out shortcomings as professionals and it is also professional to accept these shortcomings. Be honest about your failings. This will show you can see your own gaps and are willing to improve.

5 Best Ways to get a Good Appraisal:

Don't Forget Your Achievements


Managers often forget achievements of team members. You shouldn't. Start making a list of what you feel are your accomplishments. Add everything, even the smallest. So when the discussion happens, you know what to highlight.



Don't let the Manager Forget your Achievements



It's not just about remembering your achievements but also making the manager remember them. It won't look nice if you have to remind him/her of how useful you have been when the boss is actually being critical. So make sure he/she is constantly aware of your good work.



Get Across the Message Subtly


To get across the message that you are awesome, you have to build an easy relationship with the boss so that you can casually mention how one of your strategies worked well or how you plan to bring in changes.



Just Deliver on Expectations:


But just tom-tomming your work may not work well if the manager has already formed an opinion about you. You need to break that perception. And the only way is doing something he/she has subtly been asking of you for long and you haven't been able to deliver.



Surprise the Boss


This needs hard work. To make the manager really happy, do at least one thing he/she never expected out of you. Pleasantly surprise the boss, with your work results. The boss will always remember that when the two of you sit down for the appraisal meeting.       

How will you Judge a Human Being ? as part of Recruitment Selection in a Interview ?

How will you Judge a Human Being ? as part of Recruitment Selection in a Interview ?

Reply expected to start for further Discussion with me.

the candidates -(other than subject-Knowledge )other Behavioral Character ,Ego , Instinct , work Culture , association with fellow staff's , Nepotism , Favoritism , discrimination or Vested Interest , Unfair-Labour Practices etc etc.. ? in our normal Interview or selection practice going on Nowadays ?

WHY EMPLOYEES LEAVE ORGANIZATIONS ? A Case Study:

Every company faces the problem of people leaving the company for better pay or profile.

Early this year, Mark, a senior software designer, got an offer from a prestigious international firm to work in its India operations developing specialized software. He was thrilled by the offer.

He had heard a lot about the CEO. The salary was great. The company had all the right systems in place employee-friendly human resources (HR) policies, a spanking new office, and the very best technology, even a canteen that served superb food.

Twice Mark was sent abroad for training. "My learning curve is the sharpest it's ever been," he said soon after he joined.

Last week, less than eight months after he joined, Mark walked out of the job.

Why did this talented employee leave?

Arun quit for the same reason that drives many good people away.

The answer lies in one of the largest studies undertaken by the Gallup Organization. The study surveyed over a million employees and 80,000 managers and was published in a book called "First Break All The Rules". It came up with this surprising finding:

If you're losing good people, look to their immediate boss ..Immediate boss is the reason people stay and thrive in an organization. And he 's the reason why people leave. When people leave they take knowledge,experience and contacts with them, straight to the competition.

"People leave managers not companies," write the authors Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman.

Mostly manager drives people away?

HR experts say that of all the abuses, employees find humiliation the most intolerable. The first time, an employee may not leave, but a thought has been planted. The second time that thought gets strengthened. The third time, he looks for another job.

When people cannot retort openly in anger, they do so by passive aggression. By digging their heels in and slowing down. By doing only what they are told to do and no more. By omitting to give the boss crucial information. Dev says: "If you work for a jerk, you basically want to get him into trouble. You don 't have your heart and soul in the job."

Different managers can stress out employees in different ways - by being too controlling, too suspicious, too pushy, too critical, but they forget that workers are not fixed assets, they are free agents. When this goes on too long, an employee will quit - often over a trivial issue.

Creating the Best Work Culture:

The work culture is the key to high performance.

More important, influencing the work culture is a manager's best opportunity for creating high performance. "Culture" is a 24-hours-a-day training program that exists inside any organization. It's teaching and influencing all the time. Sometimes it's teaching what we like it to teach, and sometimes it's not. It's very difficult to "swim upstream" against the culture.



For example, you can teach value added and long-term relationships all you want, but if the work culture is really about short-term, adversarial relationships with clients, that's what you're going to get--that plus a lot of confusion.



The best of all possible worlds is a consistent, positive, reinforcing culture--and good sales managers are discovering that the best way to leverage their efforts is to manage the culture. After more than 10 years of research, we've come up with five factors that are critical to creating and maintaining a high-performance work culture. Listed in order of importance, they are:



1. A Shared Sense Of Mission Or Purpose. It's the culture equivalent to purpose. It answers the questions "What's expected around here, what do we do, and why do we do it?" If the only answer that you have is "making money," be prepared for your people to ask for as much as they can get for doing as little as they can. On the other hand, if you've taken the time to establish a mission--and especially if you've taken the time to involve your people in the process--that larger sense of mission will help people focus on achieving their part of the mission.



2. Clear And Attainable Goals. People perform best when they have specific goals. Goals that are reachable yet that stretch them. Don't tell people what to do, or how to do it, but give them the map, the destination, and sometimes the general direction in which to start.



3. Frequent Objective Feedback. People learn quickly and work well when they are told how they're doing. Debrief and summarize every joint call you make. Don't assume that people know how they're doing or know what you think. Lead with positive information first, but always be honest, objective, and specific. Help your people learn from every selling experience.



4. Positive Rewards For Appropriate Or Approximate Performance. Selling is like playing tennis: Very few people get it right the first time. Sincere, positive reinforcement ("You did that really well." "You really understand this." "You're doing a great job.") helps people learn. Catch people doing something right, and tell them about it.



5. Timely Support And Help When Requested Or Needed. This is an issue of priorities for most sales managers. It's deciding what your job is. Are you there to track numbers and quotas, or are you there to support your people? Clearly, both jobs have to be done, but the job of coach is the critical job in creating a high-performance team.

What an Employee Wants?

1.“I want... A job that gives me the chance to be creative

2.“I want... A career and not just a job”

3. “I want... The opportunity to enhance my career”

4. “I want... A company that makes me feel an important part of the team”

5. “I want... A company that invests in people”

6. “I want... A job that gives me the chance to be creative”

7. “I want... A career and not just a job”

8. “I want... To work for a company that recognizes my achievements”

9. “I want... A job that gives me the right work-life balance”

10. “I want... A Company that really listens to its people

Nine Qualities all HR Professionals:

Nine Qualities all HR Professionals:
1. Clarity of Thoughts

2. Efficiency in Time Management

3. Compare Performances / Compare Situations & Circumstances but do not compare individuals / People

4. Knowledge about the Business and Industry

5.Vision and Goal for the Department

6. Team and Organization

7. Love for Number / Data / Figures / Calculations / Analysis / Projections

8. Enthusiasm to Share / Develop / Coach and Mentor, Self Discipline

9. Trust Worthy

Grooming at Workplace

Grooming at Workplace:

Proper grooming and professional appearance are important to gain not just positive impression but also respect in the workplace. Here I address some of the most common grooming challenges faced in today’s workplace.

·      Be cautious with bright colors. Clothes that are too flashy can be distracting. Darker colors usually convey a stronger impression than lighter ones. If you're giving a presentation, make sure the color you're wearing doesn't blend in with the background behind you. Whether you’re wearing traditional business dress or business casual, wrinkled, dirty, or smelly clothing is a sure image-killer.

·      Facial hair needs to be kept trim and tidy to maintain a professional look. Any hair that's under your lower lip that isn't a beard is not a good idea, No matter how much you want to grow a full beard, it just might not look right on you, just like a haircut - not every cut is going to look good on every person,

·      Three accessories that get noticed most on both men and women, are the Shoes, watch and the pen. Make sure your shoes are polished and in good condition. Carry a decent looking pen. Preferably a fountain pen with non smudge ink. Avoid pens with transparent and cheap plastic bodies. Watches for both men and women should be the highest quality one can afford. Thin styles are preferred over heavier styles, sport watches, or novelty watches. No matter what watch you wear, you’re making a statement about who you are and what’s important to you.

·      Accessories are meant to complement your outfit, not overpower it. Keep it to the minimal and avoid very large pieces. Ladies must make sure that their jewelry shouldn't make noise. Multiple rings, bracelets, and necklaces can get in the way of your work and project an image of being extreme. Tie pins with shining rhine stones are not for work.  keep neckties secure by tucking the narrow end through the label on the underside of the wide end.  Plain metallic Cuff links are always in style. women with multiple ear piercings should limit earrings to one per ear and men should remove all earrings. If one has tattoos or non-ear piercings, keep them out of sight while at work.

·      Avoid Fingernails that are too long or are unkempt. Never be seen with chipped nail polish . If you're going to show your toes, make sure your hands and  toes are well-groomed

·      Avoid bathing yourself in strong perfumes. A perfume that one may find delightful can be downright offensive to someone else. And for those who like to remove his or her shoes during the workday, foot odor can be quite offensive to fellow workers. Be conscious. If you must wear fragrance, do so lightly. Consider a scented skin lotion instead of perfume or cologne.

·      Overdone makeup is unattractive at any age. Makeup application is an art and, unfortunately, most women fall victim to products and styles not suitable for their coloring, age. Choose your makeup carefully and keep it light.

·      There’s little worse than having a conversation with someone who has foul-smelling breath. Keep a toothbrush and toothpaste in your desk in order to brush after eating. Use mouth fresheners if you smoke.

From bad breath to plunging necklines, slurping soup to presentation paralysis….a lot can go wrong at work. I will handle these issues in the coming articles.

Have a great day ahead!!

Reflection

REFLECTION......
Where have our values gone??? And this question has always been bugging me since couple of years. Why are modern kids the way they are? Is it the modern life with modern gadgets?? Is it too much stress?? Lack of time?? Working parents? Competition?? What could be the reason for these kids to be walking around as mini Devils with foul language, selfish natures, disrespect and me first attitude??

I would like to share an incident I witnessed recently. At an underground parking lot in one of the malls, I was waiting to take the space of a car which was about to pull out and leave. My car blinkers were clearly indicating that I was waiting for that slot …but to my surprise, the moment the space was empty, and I was about to accelerate to take that space, another high end car with loud blaring music drove past me and quickly grabbed that space. I rolled down my window and told them politely that I had been waiting for that space patiently and could they please find another spot?? Out came a teenage couple , and the boy showed me the middle finger saying _ _ yours!! Gosh, I was stunned… They appeared to be from a good family. Why were they behaving so disrespectfully?? Where did they pick up that horrible abuse from?? I held myself back from yelling. Who would want to be bombarded with choicest of abuses? To treat a person with respect is to acknowledge and preserve their human dignity. To treat a person with disrespect is to attack their human dignity.

Got me thinking, what’s happening to our modern generation?? Why do they disrespect people?? What in the world have we done to our kids? It appears that they are unprepared to deal with the real world. They are undisciplined, disrespectful, and disobedient to their parents, selfish, self-centered, and completely addicted to the gadget world.

A beautiful saying goes: "Before you go and criticize the younger generation, just remember who raised them." - Kids have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them. They are like mirrors and reflect back to us everything we say and do. Human brain is like a tape recorder. Every experience is permanently recorded in our subconscious.. What we speak and how we behave is what we teach.

Children record every behavior and word we ever say in front of them. The language children grow up hearing is the language they will speak, the gestures we use become their gestures. Children imitate what we do. If we expect children to have manners, to be honest, kind, respectful, we must do and be those things in front of them so they will have that model to imitate.

When children live with disrespect, they learn disrespect. We can teach respect only by treating each other with respect and by giving children the same respect we expect. Even if we do not display the disrespectful behavior, there are many things we do and say to children, of which we aren't even aware that they are disrespectful.

When a child behaves in a way that we don't like, we must ask ourselves, "Am I displaying that behavior?" If your answer is, "No," then something else is causing the behavior and you need to find help. Learn to train yourselves to think before you speak in front of children, by remembering that everything we say will be recorded and imitated. Avoid abusive language, gestures, yelling, shouting and putting people down. Law of karma- “what goes around, comes around” and here, its coming right back to u from your own kids.

How we treat them and how we treat others in front of them is what we teach them. Once your little mini-me starts interacting with the public, you become an open book. You might want to start changing how it reads…..

Give and Take

Give and Take

Barter system has been in place since ages. We buy things and we pay in return.  If you are good at something, sometimes you barter services to balance it out. Give and take has been the motto…..but don’t you think, we humans have carried it too far….we have started the barter system in relationships too. If you love me, I will love you, if you buy this for me, I will do that….blah blah….the list goes on and on… Remember friends…we are humans…we have different emotions. It’s not necessary that if you love someone, that person returns it with the same intensity. Sometimes, it may be much more than your expectations and on other times if may be very disappointing. It is very difficult to turn others toward us whom we love more than anything in this world. We crave for their attention & love, but they can't reciprocate as we do.

The love always must be unconditional and without expectations. When we love others we love with the feeling of possessiveness. We expect them to behave according to our wishes. We want them to be answerable for everything…their time, their money, their friends… And there starts the trouble of all misgivings and misunderstandings!!  Every person has a right to live. Do not try to choke people by getting into their space. Let them breathe... The unconditional love we show or share should give freedom to that person. Only then there will be a beautiful harmony between the two who are in love.

Have you ever tried to hold the sand in a tight fist?? What happens?? The sand slips out from the space between your fingers…but if you keep the palm open, the sand stays. Relationships are just like this…the tighter you hold with possessiveness, the faster you lose out on them, but if you keep the palm open.... let the person breathe….love without conditions, the faster they grow.

  But, do understand the difference between “unconditional love” and Co-dependent love.   Codependent love implies that one attempts to meet all of the needs of the other, read their minds, to accept and overlook all of the partner’s behaviors and actions no matter how selfish or demanding. However, unconditional love does not mean putting your self esteem at stake or becoming a doormat. You can be together with someone and still remain fully yourself — as a person you like and respect. Unconditional love in a relationship begins with oneself. To set the foundation you must first have a strong sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. View yourself as lovable and worthy

The first step toward loving your partner unconditionally is learning to love yourself unconditionally. It requires understanding and communicating your own boundaries and limits, yet being flexible enough to adapt and compromise when possible. And most of all, it requires a daily mutual commitment to maintaining the health of the relationship and nurturing the bonds of love

When we love someone without expecting anything in return, that is when your love is unconditional, that brought you together in the first place. There is also a quote by Paulo Coelho in his novel The Alchemist that "One is loved because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving." Think about it!!

Smile or Sorry

Smile or Sorry?

With everything that happens to you, you get the two “S” or two “O’’s to choose from.   You can either feel SORRY for yourself or just SMILE it away. You can either look at it as an OPPORTUNITY to grow or an OBSTACLE to keep you from growing. Every situation has a positive and a negative attached to it. We tend to flow with our feelings at that moment…and look at just the dark side of the situation. Well, I am not telling you not to feel sad…but after you’ve cried your eyes out…sit in calmness… and think. Tears have washed away the foggy visions now…look at the situation differently…with clear eyes…and Voila…I promise you….things will appear different.

Here’s a story I read on the net sometime back which is so relevant to what I am trying to say:-

A famous writer was in his study room. He picked up his pen and started writing:

    **Last year, I had a surgery and my gallbladder was removed. I had to stay stuck to the bed due to this surgery for a long time.
    **The same year I reached the age of 60 years and had to give up my favorite job. I had spent 30 years of my life in this publishing company.
    **The same year I experienced the sorrow of the death of my father.
    **And in the same year my son failed in his medical exam because he had a car accident. He had to stay in bed at hospital with the cast on for several days. The destruction of car was another loss.

AT THE END HE WROTE: ALAS! IT WAS SUCH BAD YEAR!!

When the writer's wife entered the room, she found her husband looking sad lost in his thoughts. From behind his back she read what was written on the paper. She left the room silently and came back with another paper and placed it on the side of her husband's writing.

When the writer saw this paper, he found this written on it:

    **Last year I finally got rid of my gall bladder due to which I had spent years in pain.
    **I turned 60 with sound health and got retired from my job. Now I can utilize my time to write something better with more focus and peace.
    **The same year my father, at the age of 95, without depending on anyone or without any critical condition met his Creator.
    **The same year, God blessed my son with a new life. My car was destroyed but my son stayed alive without getting any disability.

AT THE END SHE WROTE: THIS YEAR WAS AN IMMENSE BLESSING OF GOD AND IT PASSED WELL!

See! The same incidents but different viewpoints. If we ponder with this viewpoint that what could have happened more, we would truly become thankful to the Almighty.

Moral: In our daily lives we must see that it's not happiness that makes us grateful but gratefulness that makes us happy.

There is always, always, always something to be thankful for!! Stay Blessed! Next time, when negativity clutches you in its claws, try to control your response- Take a deep breath, leave the place and the people who disturbed you immediately... Once away, calm yourself down. If you respond out of emotion you will only make it worse. Remember Thumper’s rule. “If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.”

Divert your attention: Albert Einstein said “In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” Don’t channel your energy into a negative reaction, but into something positive. Maybe listen to some calm soothing music, go for a run, swim, dance...or go for a drive. I personally prefer to meditate on it.

 Accept your mistake and learn from it. Do not let anyone’s opinion become your reality. Be your own judge. Look at the situation from your own eyes.

I know it’s easy said than done. It’s hard for a person who is going through bad times. But believe me, I am not preaching here. I practice these little things. Make it a habit to look at the other side of the situation always, and I am sure you will feel better and get the strength to cope. I have been saying this again and again…..situations don’t last forever…one day they will change! Have patience. Remember-“This Too Shall Pass”.